Today is the first day of my Self-Full blog.
What exactly does it mean to be Self-Full?
Earlier this week I was driving home from yoga and was reflecting on my practice. At the end of class during Savasana (or cool down), the teacher walked around and offered lavender oil to each woman in the class. The room was quiet and dark, and my breath deep, but quiet. When it came to be my turn to accept the essential oils gently the instructor swiped them gently across my forehead, and I inhaled the calming scent. However, she then gently, but with great intention, she put one hand on each of my shoulders and pressed them into my mat. I hadn’t even realized that I was tensed up, unwilling to allow myself the time or space to completely sink into myself. She then walked away and in that small moment, I realized how little I do for myself.
For my entire life, I have been a people pleaser, the do-gooder, the nice girl. I have spent 31 years putting the wants and needs of others ahead of myself. I was raised being told that I’m no more important than anyone else and that the world most definitely does not revolve around me. Both of which are true. However, to me, that triggered me into a life of exhaustive self-sacrifice. I have undoubtedly given far too much my time, energy, love, health and overall well-being to make sure that I’m not perceived as that 7 letter dirty word: selfish. The cost to this pursuit was in the end me.
As I continued my drive home I couldn’t help but ask myself “is selfish really all that bad?” Now a knee-jerk response for many will be “ Yes, of course, it is!”, but hang with me. Isn’t it possible that just like with so many things in life selfishness isn’t black and white? Isn't it possible that there are two types of selfishness? Quickly I found my answer to be “yes!” Of course, there is the selfishness we are all familiar with, that toxic selfishness that shows itself as a complete disregard for others. A "me" focused existence that hurts others and eventually isolates people from the good and beautiful things in life. But, there is another form of selfishness, one which at its core keeps us healthy and productive. This selfishness or self-fullness helps individuals stay grounded and motivated. It can keep us focused on goals big and small. Self-fullness ensure that a person is aligned with who they truly are and keeps them moving in the direction that is intended. This is a selfishness that people like me, and if you are reading this (probably you) need to be properly introduced to, then follow up by diving head first into selfishness, likely for the first time in their lives.
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So What’s This Blog?
The challenge to myself is this - For one year intentionally seek a self-full version of myself and my life. This will be a one year project where I will discuss selfishness, self-fulness, breaking away from people pleasing, overcoming self-sabotage, racing towards goals, leveling up, and ultimately finding self-love in it all.
Sounds great, right?
Possibly overwhelming?
Maybe a bit corny?
Cool- let's continue.....
For this blog I’ve made 3 Rules:
- Write every day. For 365 days. Straight. No breaks and no excuses. This is a challenge for myself, but in the bigger picture, it will be a testimony to how I’m not writing or living to please anyone. It will be a steady and consistent reminder that I don't have to have the right words or pen something incredible every single day. I imagine in writing on a daily basis there will be a lot of posts that mean nothing to anyone but me - but that’s the point, isn’t it?
- Be open and honest. If you know me you know that I attempt to live an authentic life. I am very open and very honest, sometimes to a fault. I have a sensitive heart and am very open about my heart and headspace. As I’ve gotten older I hesitate in that sometimes, as I question myself about what is saying too much, or be too much. But, the real me is open and honest. I talk and share. I try to be transparent and real. Writing like this is something I haven’t done in a long time, so it’s definitely outside of my comfort zone. I already feel tempted to keep in reigned in, streamlined and concise, yet that wouldn’t be the open and honest version of me.... so I won’t do it. I’ll have grammar errors and run on sentences. I’ll feel uncomfortable sometimes or have nothing real or important to say- but that’s ok. That’s ok.
- Connection. If you reach out to me in this I will connect. If you have something to share I’d love to hear it. If you have something you want to talk about I’d love that. If you have criticism or judgment, ugh …. I know it will come so I’ll emotionally brace myself for it, but yeah I want that too. I want to write this blog because I truly want to share this idea, this journey I'm embarking upon- and I am doing it publicly because I want to build a community. I feel like over the last decade social media has become a thing that makes people more often than not feel inadequate and like they have to “keep up” or they are failing. I decided against that in this blog. That’s why I went old school. I don't have a Facebook page or Instagram. I may share some pictures, but that will be rare- and will definitely share failures and victories, but this is intended to be an “old school” blog, not another thing that bombards you when you are on your phone or computer. I’m going to keep it simple in practice and hopefully authentic in connection.
If you are with me so far I thank you! Let's see what this becomes! I’ll be back tomorrow.
Ashley
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