Day 2

Doubt.

This morning I finished work and decided I would get straight to my blog post for the day. I began typing and got absolutely nowhere with the draft I had initially planned on having posted well before breakfast. I sat staring at my computer thinking to myself "Wtf am I doing? There really is no point to doing this. It’s just going to be a waste of my time and energy. And furthermore, who cares what I have to say? Noone… that’s who!" So, with that, I got up from my computer and carried on with my day. All day I went back and forth with myself about whether or not I should even bother with this concept and to be honest, up until an hour ago I was pretty sure I was just going to throw in the towel and forget I even mentioned this whole thing.

Thankfully I realized on my way home from work that my struggle isn’t with writing, the underlying issue is with doubt.  My self-doubt is one of the reasons that I don't fully live. Self-doubt is why don't always take care of myself, why I don't consistently follow through on goals, why I allow my life to be centered around other people rather than myself. Self-doubt is one of the core reasons why I need to be more self-full. Which, is the entire point of the year-long writing project I’ve started. Go figure.

I'm sure you've seen that quote "doubt kills dreams more than failure ever will." I've always held that to be true, but tonight those words truly resonated with me as they popped into my head as I battled with my insecurities over this second blog post. I had a moment when I finally understood that if I’m not intentional and focused I’'m going to keep killing my own dreams. If I don't change my approach and follow through in life I will certainly continue not living for myself walk through life being at best a half-hearted version of myself if I don't start plowing through doubts.  I determined that for me this blog project will provide me an opportunity to hold myself to a new standard. A standard in which I make goals and do my best each day to achieve the things that lead me closer to those goals. Big or small.

So, here it is. My blog post for today. Maybe not anything special, or insightful but for me it is powerful. For no other reason than, I sat down and actually wrote it! Tonight I took a step forward in the direction I want to go even when I felt really unsure about doing so.

Now I leave you with this.

What is something that you want to do, but you don't start or never follow through on because of your own self-doubts? Whatever that thing is -  do it. Take the first step, or sometimes harder take the second step!. Even if it feels minimal or insignificant, take it. Push through the discomfort and love yourself, focus on yourself to follow through on something that is important to you.

This is not some amazing blog post- but maybe it's better that way. Maybe the point of today was to show myself and others that I said I would post a blog every day, and even though I doubted the purpose of doing so on Day 2, I still did it. I still showed up. I did it for me.